I worked from home yesterday to rest my foot and also because I was finally able to make an appointment with my primary care doc (a.k.a. the “gatekeeper”).

Duncan was thrilled that I was home so he could nap confidently

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I am just gonna vent for a minute about health insurance and the stinkin’ protocol about having to see your primary care physician before you can go anywhere else. Needless to say had I just taken myself to the emergency room on Saturday it might have cost me a heftier copay but at least I’d already have had my X-ray or whatever and know what I’m dealing with. Instead I got to cry Saturday and Sunday before even getting to make an appointment with my primary care doc (who has no idea how much running means to me and hasn’t seen me since 2012 when I sprained my ankle so he really doesn’t even remember me…..and let’s not get me started on filling out paper work every god damned time I go in there. Really? the information is on the insurance card that you just made a copy of yet I have to fill out a form too? And why do I need to write my name, address, birthday, SS# etc 3 times? Can’t I just write “ditto”? I am the patient, the responsible party and the insured. Sheesh!!!! Good thing I didn’t fracture my hand.) #RantOver

And to add insult to injury I had to get on the scale for the nurse last night too.

the Devil

the Devil

147! That’s a 5 pound weight gain since the marathon 2 weeks ago. At this rate I’ll be featured on the next episode of My 600 Pound Life before my foot is better. #exaggeratingnotexaggerating

And here’s where I’m going with this. I have always struggled with weight/body image issues. Not only does running allow me to get through the “small stuff” but it really helps keep my self-esteem and body image issues in check. I’m so worried that without running I’ll have a major emotional meltdown. It’s already started.

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they look the same. you’d never know one hurts more.

So the doc agreed it didn’t seem like an ankle sprain because he could twist it all directions without me feeling pain. I explained my theory of tendonitis but he seemed to think that wouldn’t bother the outside of my foot although I disagree. Basically I don’t believe him but he suspects a stress fracture that might have been there for a while and the marathon finally aggravated it. In any event I now have to wait for the referral to be approved by my insurance, then make an appointment with the podiatrist and then see what that reveals which means Brooklyn Half Marathon is not happening for me (only 29,999 runners now). I feel so isolated already. All my friends will be running and I won’t be there. I thought about cheering for them at the finish but I think it’s too soon for me….my head is not in that space. The following week is a 5 miler in Spring Lake NJ (I already received my bib for it too!). Maybe I’ll be able to go down for that one to cheer. Otherwise there will be a big wine and chocolate party at my house and you’re all invited!

I know I’m not the only one sidelined at the moment and I know this isn’t life threatening but I’m just really sad and not sure how I’m going to deal with all this. I had surgery for a non running related issue back in the fall of 2012 and was unable to run or do much of any exercise for 4 weeks and I got through it, so I know I am strong enough to deal with this. I just have to get to the acceptance stage. LOL!

I’ll post more when I know more.

Question: If you could do one thing to cheer me up what would it be? Are you a good patient? Or do you go nuts?

8 Comments

  1. Remember Sally, muscle weighs more and you have a lot of muscle!! So sorry to hear about your foot 🙁 I’ve had stress fractures and they take a little time but do heal fully.

  2. Dear Sally:

    I hear you. I have been sidelined since last week with no idea if I can run my fave race of the year, the BK Half, after actually training really well for six weeks (after six lazy months). I lost my weight running, finally, after being fat for my first 45 years (and always feeling that I still am). I will have to give it up for three months when I have heart surgery — I assume I will live through the procedure and worry more about not running, how crazy is that? — so I ask the same questions you are now asking.

    I guess the thing we learned as marathoners must see us through periods of not running: Patience. We will heal, we will get back to it, and we will regain our fitness. Take care of yourself, get the right diagnosis, and start the healing process. All of us have been there, some of us are there now. You are not alone.

    And do not let the insanity of our health care system make you feel worse. Let out a big scream and then breathe and let it go.

    Best,
    Robin

  3. The Silent Assassin

    Ummmm, I wish I had a schtick or a “thing” that made people laugh. I lack the humor, and at 40, nowadays, my physical abilities to do something crazy has dwindled to me just throwing up shaka signs during picture taking. BUT, just know that you have inspired me from the first time you got me to land on your blog (and stay) with your background and wonderful life stories… hopefully that cheers you up and brings a smile to your face. Stay disciplined while this heals so you get better before SF! Would be awesome to meet you!

  4. Oh, no! I was hopeful that it was just a simple case of tendonitis like I had. I *have* had two foot surgeries which took me out of running for quite some time, and like you, I was quite stressed about what that might do to my body (I lost a lot of weight in my early 20’s and am still a bit sensitive when it comes to gaining, even at the ripe old age of almost 40). I was pleasantly surprised to find that I actually lost a bit of during my recoveries…I probably did lose some muscle mass, but on the other hand, without a lot of exercise I found that I just wasn’t very hungry! Your body will adjust…try to trust it and focus on healing, not the numbers on the evil scale :/

    BTW, I was up about 5 lbs. after my marathon, too…I think that is pretty normal due to all the muscle inflammation, water retention, etc. that occurs while healing. Go easy on yourself – that awesome body of yours just accomplished something amazing that very few people will ever do! That said, you are a strong, badass runner, and that same drive that gets you through marathons will get you through this $#@% injury, too!!

    • I’m still feeling like it’s tendonitis. I finally will get to see podiatrist on Tues. Thanks for your stories/advice. Helps a ton! =)

  5. If I could do one thing to cheer you up right now, it would be for us to go out to Starbucks, have an expensive cup of coffee, and just let it all out….

  6. Pingback: with each injury I get a little better at the acceptance phase -

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