I worked from home yesterday to rest my foot and also because I was finally able to make an appointment with my primary care doc (a.k.a. the “gatekeeper”).

Duncan was thrilled that I was home so he could nap confidently

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I am just gonna vent for a minute about health insurance and the stinkin’ protocol about having to see your primary care physician before you can go anywhere else. Needless to say had I just taken myself to the emergency room on Saturday it might have cost me a heftier copay but at least I’d already have had my X-ray or whatever and know what I’m dealing with. Instead I got to cry Saturday and Sunday before even getting to make an appointment with my primary care doc (who has no idea how much running means to me and hasn’t seen me since 2012 when I sprained my ankle so he really doesn’t even remember me…..and let’s not get me started on filling out paper work every god damned time I go in there. Really? the information is on the insurance card that you just made a copy of yet I have to fill out a form too? And why do I need to write my name, address, birthday, SS# etc 3 times? Can’t I just write “ditto”? I am the patient, the responsible party and the insured. Sheesh!!!! Good thing I didn’t fracture my hand.) #RantOver

And to add insult to injury I had to get on the scale for the nurse last night too.

the Devil

the Devil

147! That’s a 5 pound weight gain since the marathon 2 weeks ago. At this rate I’ll be featured on the next episode of My 600 Pound Life before my foot is better. #exaggeratingnotexaggerating

And here’s where I’m going with this. I have always struggled with weight/body image issues.┬áNot only does running allow me to get through the “small stuff” but it really helps keep my self-esteem and body image issues in check. I’m so worried that without running I’ll have a major emotional meltdown. It’s already started.

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they look the same. you’d never know one hurts more.

So the doc agreed it didn’t seem like an ankle sprain because he could twist it all directions without me feeling pain. I explained my theory of tendonitis but he seemed to think that wouldn’t bother the outside of my foot although I disagree. Basically I don’t believe him but he suspects a stress fracture that might have been there for a while and the marathon finally aggravated it. In any event I now have to wait for the referral to be approved by my insurance, then make an appointment with the podiatrist and then see what that reveals which means Brooklyn Half Marathon is not happening for me (only 29,999 runners now). I feel so isolated already. All my friends will be running and I won’t be there. I thought about cheering for them at the finish but I think it’s too soon for me….my head is not in that space. The following week is a 5 miler in Spring Lake NJ (I already received my bib for it too!). Maybe I’ll be able to go down for that one to cheer. Otherwise there will be a big wine and chocolate party at my house and you’re all invited!

I know I’m not the only one sidelined at the moment and I know this isn’t life threatening but I’m just really sad and not sure how I’m going to deal with all this. I had surgery for a non running related issue back in the fall of 2012 and was unable to run or do much of any exercise for 4 weeks and I got through it, so I know I am strong enough to deal with this. I just have to get to the acceptance stage. LOL!

I’ll post more when I know more.

Question: If you could do one thing to cheer me up what would it be? Are you a good patient? Or do you go nuts?